new love

i'm really really extremely tired so i don't want this to be very long, but as a quick update:

DE is continuing to be a bit of an asshat. i even told him this, while i was kind of tipsy. whoops.

and, in much better news:
ZM does indeed love me. :) he told me so. well, i kind of dragged it out of him. i was sobering up at the time, so i don't really remember how we got to the conversation... i was looking at him and i think he asked why i was looking at him like that and maybe i told him that he knew? or that i couldn't tell him? and he asked why? and i said because reasons, and he asked what the reasons were, and i told him that if he knew what the reasons were he would know why i couldn't tell him... but then somehow the tables turned and i was asking him a question along the same lines. all i remember is repeatedly asking "because why?" and he wouldn't tell me, but we both knew exactly what was going on. eventually, he finally said, "because i love you." and so i told him i loved him, too.

he's known for a while that he loves me, but he says that he was going to be content to not say anything for quite some time. but i think i had a dream or something that someone died? or like watched a movie? i don't know, but basically i was just reminded that life ends unexpectedly sometimes and i didn't want, heaven forbid, either of us to die without me telling him i loved him. so i was feeling the pressure all of a sudden out of nowhere.

but he said that pretty much the same weekend we told each other that we liked each other, when he was driving back home after dropping me back off at school, he started thinking that he didn't like me, he actually might love me. and from then he just became more sure of it.

okay yeah i'll finish this tomorrow.

so yeah i asked him if he remembered how the love conversation came up on friday night and he said he didn't remember exactly, and nor did i drag it out of him exactly. he says he knew as soon as i made that face that 1) i loved him and 2) he would be telling me because he was damned if i would be in charge of that as well.

he also said this, sunday night after dropping me off:
"I may or may not have screamed how much I love you while driving home by myself into the wind out of my car window." which is just the sweetest thing that i've heard in almost 5 years.


i think that's all i have to say for now.

oh, i've been invited to thanksgiving dinner with him, at his family friends' house.
i'm strangely excited?