ZM's in florida this week for some cousin's bat mitzvah. boy am i glad that i don't have any jewish relatives. my life just had that year and a half in which all my jewish friends (and there were a lot) turned 13 and so i had a different bat mitzvah to attend nearly monthly.
oh man... and then there was EG's bar mitzvah when i was 16, because he was so much younger than me but still my friend... what a clusterfuck that was. did i ever tell that story? yeah he had a giant crush on me but didn't fess up to it and instead all his friends were hitting on me except this one guy that actually talked to me, and we had a fun time but i wouldn't dance with him, and then at the end of the night EG asked me, heartbroken, if i liked his friend. i was like what the fuck, you're all 13 and i'm not about that life.
tangent, sorry.
basically, because ZM is gone, this is my first full weekend on campus. all semester. that's ridiculous to think about! especially since i think i just agreed to go to a party with him next weekend, and then the weekend after that is JB's birthday so i'll absolutely be in baltimore then, and then it's thanksgiving weekend, and then it's the god damn weekend before finals WHAT THE FUCK.
WHERE IS TIME
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
okay so i went to the budapest study abroad orientation. i'm going abroad with 16 other people, but i mostly don't know them. the ones i know, i don't like. in that moment, i strongly considered not going abroad. i figured what was the point if i was going to sit in my room all the time and not know anybody.
but then, i was like hey, i'll be in a city. cities are my forte. i know how to get around in them, i know how to live in them, i know how to be alone in them. i go for walks, i go shopping, i find nice cafes. i don't know who i'll drink with but whatever.
and then the study abroad director told us not to walk around alone, especially at night... but come on. i know my shit.
i wonder if it's dangerous for a young woman to travel around europe by herself. idk, i guess i'll find out. i just wish i had ONE other person to travel with. someone to smile with. someone to talk to. someone to laugh with. someone to stand in long lines with as we hit the tourist locations.
it's going to be the loneliest four months of my life.
i'm secretly hoping that ZM wants to come visit me abroad, but i find it unlikely. but i mean, he loves me, and also he loves sex with me, so why would he want to go 4 months without getting any. i've told him that i feel awful for basically sentencing him to a semester of celibacy, and if i could give him a pass i would, but i can't. there's no way i can do that.
i fucking love him a lot. voicing it made it so much more real, so much stronger. like i never felt it completely fully until i said it.
he's revised the timeline: it wasn't after the first weekend i told him i liked him, it was the weekend after, when we did molly, that he realized he was falling for me. we still felt so close after the drugs wore off that it was quickly becoming more than just like.
in other news, i have a shit ton of work to do for tuesday for my photography class. it's actually absurd. i have a contact sheet for 20 landscape photos due, i have 3 edited prints for strangers due, i have to have 6 fully matted prints for our show, and i need to have a photo collage completed and printed. not to mention i fell behind due to lack of inspiration/difficulty finding subjects, so i still have to edit and select three photos each for my food and water assignments, as well as take 20 pictures of children (I DON'T KNOW ANY!) and then edit those, as well.
this class is the most difficult class i am taking, by far, and i'm taking a fucking honors "math" course.
No comments:
Post a Comment