tonight was interesting

ugh i know it's been a while


mostly i'm writing now because i kissed a boy tonight and i want to tell DE since he's my best friend and when i'm excited about stuff i tell him but obviously not this stuff.

by boy i mean 32 year old btw but he doesn't even look remotely over 26. if that.

oldest person i've ever kissed, relative to me or not.

i went out tonight for AD's sister's birthday and after like 4 hours at a bar (at which AD and i got hit on by married guys like 3 or 4 years ago when we were way not legal), we got bored and left. we both wanted to make out with people, so she kept trying to find dudes to make out with me. only i'm really shy so i didn't make it easy for her.

we saw these guys outside a bar and one of them was quite cute so we called him over, asked him how old he was, if he was straight, etc. he told us his name and his age and yes he was straight and AD told me to make out with him. i did not. she walked away and i said it was nice to meet him and i followed her. after a trip into another bar we went back to the old bar to find her sister, but didn't, and after again not making out with someone, we walked outside to find the guy from earlier, E. he walked with us up to... i don't even know where, i wasn't keeping track. probs like 81st st, even though he was staying at 74th. he went with us to a bar, played yahtzee with us, even danced with us to come on eileen even though he didn't want to.
when we left, after last call, we walked with him back downtown and then AD got in a cab and i walked over to the train and he walked me, and i told him that he should definitely call when he's in the city, and he said he would. (he's from long island.) he said i had his number too, and i told him i was shy, and he said he was too. before i went downstairs into the train, i told him he was cute. he said i was too, and that he'd like to kiss me. i told him i'd let him. so we kissed. and then AD was like tell me when you get home also make out with the motherfucker already btw i get a kind of rapist psychopath vibe from him it's always the quiet ones. and i was like great. but i think he's cute. even if he's old. he doesn't look it at all.


btw yes i'm still quite drunk. i had like 4 rum and cokes, a whiskey shot, 2 pbrs, and several sips from a flask of captain morgan. yeah i'm drunk. and i didn't even get carded. at least not at the first bar. at the other three bars AD and i tried, we did get carded. but it was all cool, since we're of age now.

so E said he'd call me. he's in town for some kind of tattoo convention or something, even though he's a piano technician. idfk. he's selling tickets or some shit.


i just feel really strange cuz i really wanna tell DE about it but obvs i can't. he's just my best friend still and i love him and i want to tell him about when i'm excited about things but this is not the thing to discuss....
i'm also glad i won the break-up (even if it's just a break), because i was legit worried there for a while that he'd beat me...


anywho, i'm gonna watch online television and then sleep. then i'm seeing bo burnham in concert tomorrow.



...i kissed a guy. a new guy. a new guy i met with AD that was into me for a change. i played it so well, imo.