an unusual birthday

so, today was quite a birthday indeed.

although today's events in boston were not at the level of the 9/11 attacks, i have new sympathy for those who were celebrating a birthday that day. it sucks.

what kind of dumbass wants to hurt people?



in other news, i went to olive garden with some friends for dinner and ordered my first legal drink!
it was the first substantial thing i put in my body today so i got tipsy quickly despite eating while drinking it.

then we stopped at a liquor store and i bought some rum and wine for future occasions.

now i'm chillin out, should be working on a paper... but i really don't wanna. i'll get to it, i promise.


i actually talked to JW. the other night i was having a really sad moment and only him and DR were around so we went for a drive and i told them that i was feeling sad and insecure and fat and ugly and alone. (i'd been triggered by some awful sexist thing i saw online, so i went to the gym but still felt lousy.)
JW said that i'm not ugly... wait i think i said this last night.
yeah.


so today i asked him why, if i'm apparently so pretty, does he not have trouble talking to me like he says he does with pretty girls?
he said that he thinks i'm pretty, but doesn't find me attractive. he did for a little when he first met me but because i was with DE he just had to get over it, and since then he's learned that our personalities would be incompatible so the attraction just went away. and he went into a list of the reasons we couldn't have sex (awkward for friends, i wouldn't want to, don't remember, it would backfire or something). so i guess that means he thought about it.

and i told him that i had run through the same process with him. of being attracted then realizing it just wouldn't work and kind of losing that attraction even though i still think he is attractive. if that makes any sense.

so yeah.

exciting?
not really.

but i guess that solves that.


omg JB and UR broke up! they'd been dating for YEARS. since february of senior year of high school, and it's april of junior year of college now. unreal.
JB said she didn't love him anymore, which kind of makes me lose hope in everything DE and i have planned. if JB fell out of love with UR when she was so in love with him not that long ago, how is anyone safe?