another baltimore weekend

so i ended up going down again for another weekend. after i had been uncertain about what i would do, AE posted on facebook in our friend group about having a party for ZM, so that was kind of the final thing that sealed the deal for me in going down to baltimore.

i think i got dehydrated at camp on friday because i felt dizzy and disoriented at the end of the day and on the bus home.

and then, even once i started feeling better, the trip down to baltimore was hellish. possibly my worst travel experience ever.

here's the 7-page text I sent to ZM about it, with some edits to account for things i left out:

so the camp bus is really slow due to traffic, but eventually i get to my stop and get in a cab headed up to the bus stop. but the traffic is fucking awful so i got out and walked because we sat without moving for three consecutive green lights. the bus was already pretty much loaded so i just got on. it was hot. 97 degrees outside, full sun. the wifi and outlets didn't work. megabus seats make my back hurt. we spent an hour going like 10 blocks [half a mile, for you non-city folk out there]. we hear that there's been an accident in the lincoln tunnel so we're being rerouted via the george washington bridge, 140 blocks away. we leave the highway and go up city streets, inexplicably. bus shuts down. starts back up. shuts down again. driver tells us not to hate him, but bus is broken. they're going to send us another one. we get off, luckily in front of a dunkin donuts, so i buy a new mostly-cold water bottle and a donut: dinner. i end up calling DG [who had offered me a ride that morning when it turned out he decided to go after he had told me he wasn't, leaving me to buy a 65 dollar round-trip on a bus company i don't like, but i decided to stick with the bus to save myself going back up 210 blocks to have him drive me] to see where he and KK are after all. they've just crossed the gwb. we try to work out how to get me across the bridge (like 85 blocks north), but i don't have enough for a cab so i have to take money out. the bridge is over a mile long so i'm not walking that shit in this heat, especially cuz that would also take a while. DG decides to come back across the bridge to pick me up despite tolls because a cab across would be even more expensive. i hop on the subway, the car i enter is not air conditioned so i'm in an extremely crowded, somewhat cooler car. oh and my duffel bag is breaking there's that too. and my phone randomly shut off while i was trying to complain. i had to take a couple deep breaths. my dinner donut was mediocre. oh and i now have $1.68 in my bank account.

but thankfully DG and KK saved the day and i love them forever, they even bought me a granola bar on their way back over.

so anyway.

the next day my friends and i (AE, DG, KK, ZM and i at first, later joined by R, SC, and IS, as well as DG's friend B) go to artscape, a giant art festival in baltimore. it was stupid hot but very very cool. i saw lots of cool stuff. i even ran into someone from my school!

we ended up missing the show with JB's friend JB due to scheduling changes unfortunately, but i had fun nonetheless. and spent a good portion of the time with ZM.  we continued to get along very well. we were getting something from AE's car after artscape and ZM asked me to come outside with him just so that he could kiss me. :)

then ZM's party. it was pretty enjoyable, even though i knew very few people there. ZM and i kissed just a couple of times in the back room during the party, and AE made it clear that he would drive ZM and i back to ZM's place when we were ready to leave. apparently ZM had told both his roommates to be elsewhere that night, in case things went down as he was hoping that they would. ZM and i went for a walk as the party died down, and got to making out. AE was on a walmart run of all things, for more ping pong balls for beer pong, but we were ready to leave. ZM actually texted AE like "please come back right now" and "i swear to god i will pay you 100 dollars" the latter of which i was unaware that he sent, lol. finally, AE came back and we left.

at his place, the fun commenced quickly. and oh my god was it fun.
i had decided earlier that day that i was indeed down to have sex with him, and i already knew that he was definitely down with that too.
we went to sleep around 5 and both found ourselves awake and unable to get back to sleep at 8:30 am. a couple of times i caught him looking at me when i opened my eyes. we ended up having sex two more times that morning, and dayum it was a good time.

but we talked about keeping things casual, though i did explain that casual sex wasn't really a thing that i did, so he should be aware that it might not last all that long. but we did both agree that we were extremely excited to do this again.

also it turns out i'm only the second person he's ever slept with, which actually makes me feel pretty honored.

eventually we left and went to breakfast with AE and i had a sore throat and a stomachache, and then we stopped to pick up my stuff. ZM actually found out friday that he had to drive up to the city on sunday night anyway for a family friend's birthday party, so he asked if i wanted to come with. i agreed, even though i'd already bought bus tickets. fuck megabus.

so we left around 2:30 and got in at 9:30. there was bad traffic in baltimore due to some sports thing so it took us a while to get out, and then ZM had to stop to take a nap. we ran into shitty new jersey traffic a couple times too. so we spent about 7 hours in the car together on what should have been a 3.5-4 hour journey, but it was so fun. i was exhausted and had a stomachache for part of it and had a serious case of the giggles for another part, but i had a great time. we kept each other laughing for quite a lot of it. he said that even though we don't seem to have a lot in common (only really in the food department is that true), we have very similar senses of humor. which must be why i have such a great time. we also had the same thoughts at the same time on a couple occasions, which was amusing but bizarre.

he said that i was welcome to come up to the party with him, and i considered it strongly, but by the time we got down to where it was i just decided to head home, cuz it would be really awkward to go to this party full of people i don't know, including his family and family friends, especially considering it's not like i've known him long at all.

even though he was 3.5 hours late for the party, he waited for the bus with me. his mother sent him a picture of the cake upstairs, and it said happy birthday to his friend and him! it was his own damn party and he had no idea, and was extremely late. it was kind of funny.

my bus came and i kissed him goodbye, because i wanted to and i never got the chance to either time before.

i found myself thinking that i'd miss him. i spent a lot of time with him this weekend, and like 13 solid hours with him on sunday after waking up, and it was all really enjoyable. but i don't want to make this not casual. i like it just the way it is.

so last night i sent him this text:

"by the way, i did enjoy my very Z-filled day. it might have seemed excessive to some but i had an absolutely great time every step of the way that was not tainted by pain. thanks for letting me spend 7 hours in the car with you. doesn't that sound insane by the way? 7 god damn hours, about."

and he responded:

"i wouldn't call it excessive at all, it was a prime ratio of AZ to not AZ (aka a shitload of AZ)... in other words, i really liked being with you basically all this weekend. you saved me in the car today, because holy shit those would have been the 7 shittiest longest hours without you. and it is completely insane. i feel like it's a measure of your coolness. if i can sit in a car with you that long, i might feel comfortable eating a full meal with you soon [he says that he tends not to eat a lot around women, idk why, but if i see him eat a lot that means that i'm really in as his friend]. okay i'll wrap this shit up so you aren't bombarded by loud dual vibrations for 10 minutes at 1 am.... it was great getting to know you more. i look forward to more getting to knows. sleep easy, AZ, goodnight :)"

so yeah. i don't know what or if anything is going on but i am having a hell of a great time.

but at the same time, DE is kind of upset with me because i was down in baltimore and didn't see him... but i explained to him that i had a lot to do in not a lot of time... art festival, JB's friend JB's show, SC's last weekend, and ZM's party. but he seemed to focus solely on the ZM's party part. i think he's jealous... is it awful of me if i am kind of glad that he's jealous? not really because i want to make him unhappy, it's just kind of nice to have the tables turned for once.
idk though, i haven't been talking to DE as much lately because i've been talking to ZM constantly instead. sometimes i find that i've barely thought about DE at all. what is going on??