ZM came into the city saturday to hang out. my mom was at a long meeting in midtown so he came over around 11 to take advantage of my empty house. but i was on my period this weekend, so we couldn't take as much advantage of it as we would have liked.
he also seemed really impressed with my apartment, which was cute. my apartment is tiny and cramped and has way more stuff than can fit in it, but he liked that it felt like a city apartment. he's so enamored with city living.
so we left around 2 because i was afraid my mother would come home early (she did, at 2:20, so good for us for leaving), and went uptown to have the best nachos i have ever had. the legendary nachos i share with everyone. i'm a nacho slut. i take everybody there.
ZM is a vegetarian, so i skipped on the steak (which makes them even better but whatevs). he agreed enthusiastically that they were the best nachos he had ever had in his life. then we went to the museum of natural history (i found some vouchers on my kitchen wall), and saw the hall of ocean life with the great blue whale on the ceiling, and the space show which was neat. he said it was the best museum he'd ever been to.
then we walked through central park, which he also wanted to see. basically, he had a really great day in the city thanks to me. and it was a beautiful day, blue skies and not too hot, and the park was enchanting.
we got coffee and then went to a diner for dinner, and then i took him to penn station and waited for his train with him. when it came, we kissed goodbye. we talked about when we would see each other next. he says it should happen very soon.
so since then i've been thinking about what we are. about what's going on.
i have a great time with him. it's so easy to be around him, and so rewarding. it's so much fun. we get along so well, even when we disagree on stuff. at the diner we were talking, and he says he thinks he's an extrovert, so it's easier to be around lots of people than it is to be around one person for a long time, because he feels pressure to entertain and be interesting. but he says that it's good effort. it doesn't wear him down. i feel like it's no effort. i really don't have to try to be interesting, he seems to be entertained by me anyway. even when i feel like i'm talking way too much, he assures me that he doesn't mind.
and i don't care if this is too much information, but the sex last weekend was fantastic. everything about it was great. even the not-sex parts. that boy is talented, and he is a giver. oh my. and he is impressed with my talents as well.
so, we get along splendidly and have amazing sexual chemistry... but i don't feel any interest in pursuing something romantic here. i don't know, is that weird? am i wrong? we get really excited to see each other and it bummed me out when he told me when he was leaving yesterday, and i never get bored of talking to him, and it's going to be weird to not see him next weekend after four consecutive weekends with him.
but i still feel like i don't like him in that way. but i did tell my therapist that it wouldn't be totally surprising if feelings did develop in the future (which, with my history, means that's going to happen for sure - i said the same thing about KW, HB when she was EB, and i think DE as well.) but i don't know. this just feels like the classic friends with benefits that people aspire to achieve. well, maybe a little more attached than regular old FWB, since we do talk all the time and say nice things and talk about seeing each other again, and even are talking about we'll work things when school starts again.... argghhhhHH I DON'T KNOW. it seems like regular FWB try to draw a firm line to keep themselves from becoming couply, like never holding hands or showing affection. is that line in place? i don't know? in the planetarium i had my hand on his thigh and he had his on my arm/leg. on the way back to JB's place the second weekend, he held my hand. but GOD DAMN IT I DON'T KNOW.
FUCK!
okay, i am done thinking about this. i am going to accept it for whatever it currently is and enjoy the hell out of it. especially the sex. (well, i actually don't think i can say that i like the sex more than the regular company part, but the sex is what i was deprived of this weekend.)
hot damn, i can't wait until the 9th.
oh, yeah, i'm going down to the baltimore/DC area the weekend of the 9th for DG's housewarming party, and then i'm going back down the following weekend with JB for her friend JB's departure for study abroad. and that'll be after camp is over, so i'll be leaving monday instead. i get to spend sunday night in a pretty kickass apartment in a pretty kickass location with a pretty kickass balcony... all by myself. her roommates will be gone, and she'll leave me her keys for the night.
this will be my summer of commuting. and you know what? when it's all said and done, i think i'll have a fantastic, wonderfully memorable summer to look back on.
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