funeral services

i wasn't sure if i was going to go because i was worried i'd break down. i still am worried i'll break down.

but i think if as many people as possible attend from my college, it'll help show his family and friends that we all cared about him and respected him... even though we'd essentially just met him.
so our class is gathering, all the people who can, anyway, and going together.

i keep thinking about how he could have done such a thing... some people want to know how he died, to help them get closure i suppose... i don't want to know. it'll only make the images more vivid in my mind and i don't need that. the possibilities already torture me.


i'm also really worried about what i'll wear, because i don't want to show any disrespect...
i've opted for a brown/gray herringbone skirt with hints of dark red and dark blue and dark purple (all muted), and a taupey gray shirt. small black heels. black blazer.
i'm terrified i'll look awful (not in a superficial way, but awful as in offensive or disrespectful).

i'd show you guys but i look fat. and my legs look fat. probably because i'm so fat.
i'm trying really hard today though. i've eaten 630 calories today and hopefully i'll stop there.


sigh.
and i have so much work to do...