talking in my sleep

somehow my group of friends has gotten the idea that i'm the smallest out of all of them.
DE's car is rather old (and shitty) and there's a little tiny seat between the driver and front passenger seat.
whenever it needs to be filled the smallest person is elected... even though i pointed out i'm quite tall, they said, "yeah, but you're the thinnest."

but... i'm really not?
i feel huge.
i really don't know where they're getting this idea... and i wonder how it makes the other girls in the group feel.
even though it's wrong! ah!



and i keep stuffing my face.
i must have gained like two pounds from snacking on goldfish alone the other day.

i saw a picture of myself from the side... i looked pregnant. it was horrifying. absolutely horrifying. ughjhaksdfjs.


though when EB was here, somehow us and SW got to talking about sleep talking... and EB said i talk in my sleep sometimes (and apparently he told me this after he slept over at my house, but i only vaguely remember that). he says it's mostly muttering, but i say "fat" a lot, that word is clear.
honestly, i cracked up when he said that.
it may be weird, but i feel like it kind of validates my issues... like i'm not just making things up if my subconscious is also fixated on it.



i don't really have anything else to talk about.

i just have to be stronger.
halloween is approaching and there will be (there already is!) candy everywhere.
sigh.