new (old) plan

"you eat so much and yet you still stay so skinny."
- a guy i'm kind of friends with, commenting on the benefits of my "hyperthyroidism" (he'd misheard me).

i just put on my pajamas right now, but i spent a few seconds examining myself in the mirror. my roommate's been asleep since before 11.

my ribs aren't clearly visible if i'm standing normally, my legs touch almost the whole way down, i'm wobbly all over and everything gives me a muffin top because i'm just that squishy there.
i just don't get it.

i'll get back down to 125, hopefully even below eventually. they'll see.

i think i'll start back with baby steps... i'll restart that diet AD and i always used to do. small meals every 2.5-3 hours, not more than 150 calories, not more than 300 calories for the one real meal a day.


so, tomorrow, that means: medication upon waking, 90 calorie granola bar at approximately 10:15, + vitamins (~50). get boots from shoe man after class, nap from ~11:40 until ~3:30 (probably closer to 4 by the time i actually get up). by then it's less than 2.5 hours until dinner (5:45). have a sugar free mini werther's original (8) if you must to hold you over. select one thing for dinner (salad if you can make yourself unlazy enough to actually make it), no dessert. (unless salad for dinner, then one cookie permitted.) granola bar at 9. nothing else.

it's nice that my friends have a usual time for dinner, it keeps me from going early and being all alone. i have to hold off until that time.

of course, that plan'll probably fail.
i have to start using myfitnesspal again. keep me aware of exactly how much i'm eating. my calorie counting's gotten lazy. i know how many calories are in what i eat (or i have a vague idea when real numbers are unavailable), and i make decisions based on that, but i don't keep track of them.


ugh i feel my dinner still. i feel it turning to fat.

i wish EB weren't so sick of hearing me whine about my fat/weight. i need someone to turn to when i start panicking.