finally friday

ah. the weekend is here at last.

tonight DE&DR will tell SW about the housing situation. not excited for that.
and then tomorrow is walk a mile in her shoes, a mile walk to raise money for rape crisis services here (i've raised 94 dollars)
and then capture the flag, my friends' suite event because you need one every year and they were really slow.

and then sunday is my birfdayyyy. but we don't actually have any plans, except for an honors meeting that night.


today i decided to try on my polka dot dress just to see if it would maaaaybe fit. and surprise. it kind of does.
when i put it on at the tailor's so he could figure out what to change, i couldn't zip up the back all the way. but now i can! i can't really move in it, but still, that means i'm smaller than i was then, at the very end of summer. thank fuck.

i wonder if i don't eat too much today (i tried on the dress right after lunch, so i was full) or tomorrow, if i can actually fit into the dress on sunday.
it'll be 85 degrees here, my oh my. it is spring at last. we had spring all winter, and then summer for a week, and then it was suddenly wintry again. we got snow earlier this week.



i told DE more last night about my history with HF, the emotional abuse and the scars it left. the page i was referencing had a link about body image and eating, and i wound up on that page.
it's funny, by the end of the article i had a moment where i was really inspired, i actually wanted to get better.
but i just keep walking the line between being healthy externally and still being fucked in the head.

i'm so torn.
i'm so conflicted.
i don't know how to want to be better, but i can't want to be worse, not with DE caring about me. it hurt EB to see me hurt myself, i don't want to do that to DE, too...