gotta get back on track

i haven't had all that much to say lately.

DE and i can't decide which date will be our anniversary, february 5th or march 18th.

i have my own dilemma:
part of me, despite knowing how fucked up i was, wants to get back to the way i was this time last year. skinny.
but then i know that this time last year, i wouldn't have let anyone be in a relationship with me.
and now i'm in a relationship but i can't stand this, this fat, this appearance of normal.

we went on a safeway run this weekend and i bought four boxes of diet-aiding protein/snack/granola bars.
i've been good for a few days now, barely snacking at all.

i have no idea how much i weigh, i've been way way way way way way way too afraid to check.
i'm not going to weigh until i know i've lost noticeable weight. i'm not going to weigh until i feel better.


i just had sunchips for breakfast even though i woke up 4.5 hours ago. 210 calories for the day.
dinner will not exceed 400.

i have a bunch of chocolate snack bars for dessert, they're not more than 200 each, i forget exactly how many calories.

today will be good.
today will continue the trend.
today will be one of many more good days to come.