hardcore stress setting in

that moment when your friend who recently cut all her hair off says that she feels so light without it and you briefly consider doing the same even though your hair is your favorite thing about you.
....that can't just be me, right?


less than 24 hours til all my shit is due; just over 12 hours til i'm back in fuckin' maryland.

i have to pack. and write. and pack. mostly both.

how much red bull is too much? cuz damn i'll need a lot. if this is even possible.



i did see EB today though, and visit my bench with a nice walk through the park.
i think i did good with EB. it was hard at the time, because all i wanted was for things to be how they were, i wanted to be close to him and i don't know how close i'm allowed to get anymore. certainly not like i used to.
but, i was normal and fun and not clingy or whiny (okay there was some whining but only about i didn't wanna go back to school). i laughed and made him laugh, and we talked about stupid silly things and even real things like artificial intelligence. i think i was the same person he saw this summer.
....only fatter.


EB got his lip pierced and dyed his hair back to (what i know as) normal.
pretty much the entire time i was wondering how that affects kissing, for him and for the other person. i thought it'd be unwise to ask. not that i think he knows first-hand (yet), but he must have given that some thought, no? i'm so damn curious.

i'm also like !!!?!
like i feel like one day we're gonna meet and he's going to be like a different person completely. i can't count on hair color, amount of tattoos, amount of pets, amount of holes in his body to be the same.
it also makes me feel seriously boring by comparison.



i should really get to work. i still haven't started, only i've told everyone that i have. i'm fucked.