whoooo, 2012

somehow DE has become my primary outlet for venting now that i can't talk to anyone else.
i don't like it. he doesn't know me well enough for me to be this open.

i haven't heard from EB yet this year.
quite frankly i'm really concerned, i don't know where he is or what's up.
last new year's was the first time he drank, and he ended up needing quite a few cops to get him under control and bring him to the hospital.
and so i'm really hoping nothing like that happened again, but i really need to hear from him. i'm worrying myself sick.


i'm also starting to think my new year's resolution should be to be less pathetic.
i feel like i keep putting myself out there for him, when i'm obviously not wanted in pretty much any way. and this is now the third time i've done this. and it's sad. i feel like a sad pathetic person who doesn't know when to give up even though she's hopelessly unwanted.
this is not because of the past day or so, i have no idea the reason for his current silence so i can't make any judgements about it. but everything before it.


i also spent almost all day eating. well, once i woke up.

i'd tell you about last night but i literally just told HF about it. it was fun though even if once again i didn't make it til sunrise. why's it gotta be so late this time of year?



tomorrow, i'm going to be good.
i have to write a paper.
i'll wake up, take my synthroid - oh, i have to call my doctor's office and hear about my blood test.
and then (in theory) i'll get right into my paper writing.
i'll eat when it's done. no snacking to procrastinate.
I WILL BE SKINNY.
and the skinnier i can get before i finally see EB, the better.