i don't even know/fuck you, internet

i slept over at EB's house again last night, of course.


i realize lately i've felt kind of.... blah around him.

i even cried a little while we were falling asleep.

but i just truly believe that i'm disgusting and worthless and useless and offer nothing to anybody and i'm not remotely special and i have no idea why he chooses to spend so much time with me and always wants me to come over and be around. like i feel like he's lying, even though i know he wouldn't, but i just can't believe him.


i don't know how KW made me feel beautiful but i miss that.

not that EB and i are together, or that we'll get together.
our lives wouldn't allow it. he wants to go places, to travel, to move. to live across the country or overseas.




i forgot i started this post and now it's a few days later and my internet's been out for two weeks (now it's just out out out, dead completely. it's awful) so i haven't been able to get on.


i'm incredibly frustrated.
i leave in six days.
i depart tuesday around 1 pm.
i'm freaking the fuck out.