a place for everything and everything in its place.

...i wish that title were true here.

i went shopping today, with AG and his friend who drove.
i got a lot of helpful organizational stuff, so that cubby full of bathroomy stuff isn't so... out there and messy and attracting attention. much prettier now.


next task: organizing my desk drawers.


i bought a scale today at bed bath and beyond. it was hard buying it without any research but it was relatively cheap, measured to the .1 lb as opposed to my stupid scale at home, and even has body fat and bone mass and other stuff! i will so abuse it.

i don't really have a place for it yet. OH! that's what i was going to put under my desk. i'll probably just keep it under my bed on top of a bin. that's where it is currently. under my desk would be too visible.

i told EB some stuff i bought today and he said "no don't get a scale gr =("
but it was too late, and i really, really need one. i mean i could probably use whatever's in the gym (which i also haven't checked out yet...) but then i can't weigh under my own conditions, like, say, complete nudity.



classes start tomo-- today.

i have one. my freshman seminar. it's at 10:20 in the most confusing building ever.



omgomgomgomg i should be skinny for when EB comes to visit, whenever that is. it's a good thing i have no idea, because then i can't slack off.
that's probably a really stupid idea considering he knows what's up, but he just hasn't seen me look as good as i can. actually, he has seen me at my skinniest, but very briefly.
he'll see what i mean. he'll see how much better i look, and that my current state is actually unacceptable.

it's funny how i'm totally aware that i am lying to myself outright and yet i continue.




i have to be up at 8:45. i'm exhausted. i spent hours organizing the little things.
i'm only awake because i hadn't yet listened to music today.
that's one thing i really miss about being home... i had to commute places at home, so i had about a half hour every time i went somewhere to just listen to music.
now i can't even play music walking across campus because even that feels like a semi-social activity, not to mention it's a very small campus; the longest walk is like 6 minutes from end to end.



right now my largest stress is not even class, it's not even friends, it's trying to find places for everything. i can only calm myself down by reminding myself that as i fall into a schedule and learn what i use most, i'll figure out where things should be. and i still don't have all the bins i need.




i keep wanting to tell EB i love him.
which, you know what, i really missed. i love telling someone i love them because i want to say it, not because i want to hear anything in return.
i just don't know if it's entirely appropriate, considering we're not together.
i also don't know if i count as available. i still feel like i'm reserving myself for EB. i mean, i'm in love with him.
wow, i hadn't really said that before. but i feel all fuzzy and smiley and giggly. gosh. i'm hopeless.

but i don't want to reserve myself for him if he's out looking for other people, willing to be swept up by someone else.
(if anyone is reading this, what do you think i should do?)




i should just sleep.
i'll be back here after class, i'm sure.