there's no place like home

i ate like a normal person today.

i don't like it. i'm starting to get that twitchy, trying-to-escape-from-own-fat feeling already. fuck fuck fuck panic setting in.


-deep breaths-


i'm supposed to be writing a psych response. approximately two pages on the milgram study's ethical issues. bah. that's gotta be finished by 7.
all i wanna do between now and 7 is a) sleep, b) play sims.

i did the worst thing ever for my future productivity and downloaded the sims 3. it's extremely glitchy for some reason... but still fun. i was up til 3 yesterday furnishing my house. i'm so cool.


i finally went for an adventure here. SW and i trekked to a supermarket at like eleven pm. it's uphill both ways. like literally. i was kind of glad SW came with me because i don't know what the safety level is here yet for a girl walking around alone at night off-campus, but, as EB pointed out, "that's probably not good for the whole crush situation.."

EB's been having a really hard time lately for some reason. i don't know what it is. something's snapped. he feels off, fucked up in some way, prone to random breakdowns and unable to wake up for class. i'm so worried about him. i wanna be back there to... look after him or something.


our last conversation wasn't as bad as it looked like it was gonna be. turns out he had kind of gotten drunk accidentally? somehow after three beers he felt like he'd had ten shots. i don't know why.
but anyway, i said to him, "if you want me in your life, you can keep me in your life. i love you, you fool."
apparently he actually started crying about that. he's touched, but he thinks he's going to ruin my life, pull me down into his pit of despair.
i just want him to be okay. he deserves to be okay.
i wanna be there with him so badly.

i hope he's still going to be willing to come get me for fall break...

that's so far away...


this weekend i have free.
next weekend my mother's coming down for families weekend.
the following weekend, my big group of friends is trying to organize a gathering, perhaps in baltimore. CP was thinking of getting EB to drive down the people still up in new york, but i can't see that happening for a number of reasons.
but then, however that works out, the weekend after that is fall break.

that's just ONE free weekend between then and now. all week i'm in classes, busy... that time'll pass quickly... i hope.



fuck. i should get back to my psych paper.

ugh i'm going nuts without EB though. always thinking about him and stuff... every time i get a text and it's not from him i'm annoyed.
i wanna go home and stay there.

i wish i had some damn ruby slippers.