failures

i pretty much failed.


but i weighed myself again and had lost three pounds. in two days. in my excitement and better-feeling-ness, i told EB. i'm still way into normal-weight territory. fuckin' lost in these woods.

i'm trying so hard though.
today i had a cereal bar for breakfast and just like two minutes ago i had an oats & peanut butter fiber one bar. 180+150 = 330. + vitamins = 379. - walking around = ~ 330 again. thank god this campus is on a hill.


and i have more to do this evening. thankfully it's a three-day weekend.

i finished my first paper of the year this morning. at like 2:30 am. why was i excited for this?



it's so hard to find clothes that don't show off my stomach. i don't mean that my stomach is literally exposed by my clothing, but so much of it is either tight, which shows my bulbous shape, or loose, and will cling to my stomach, exposing how big it really is.

yesterday i felt hot though. and i think i got my first collegiate head-turn. i didn't realize until now that that's strange. i'm not in new york, where everyone's making comments all over the place.


oh, what i did succeed in yesterday is not eating any dessert at the dining hall. i only went once, but still, it's pretty impressive for me.
except i had a total snack attack in my own room.



i have to go, in 12 minutes they're unveiling the newest perk for the honors students.





i can't wait to look good.