damn you, EB

well, thankfully my doctor didn't weigh me. because after the past few days i've had, i sure as hell don't want to know what it would say.
i went in, had blood drawn, they took my blood pressure, and then i left. my blood pressure was 90/60, which is the border of hypotension. but low blood pressure's healthy, so whatever. not a problem as long as i don't faint.
i did feel very light-headed when i left, though, probably just from the blood they drew. i hate that. but my light-headedness led me to become rather giggly, which is a little awkward when you're walking down the street by yourself, but hey, it's new york. nobody cares.

tomorrow i finally have no plans. so maybe i won't have anything. maybe just a bowl of cereal. i have about four weeks before i have to go back to school. so if i don't lose at LEAST 5 pounds, it'll be an outrage.


anyway.
it's happening: EB seems to be everywhere in my life. i see him everywhere. he's not even back from being home yet. anyone with his style of dressing reminds me of him. anyone with blond hair of a certain length reminds me of him. i stared at a guy in union square for a good three minutes recently because i knew it couldn't be him but he reminded me so much... it was just the short stub of a semi-blond ponytail that was the similarity, but it caught me off guard.
as i put on my pajama shirt, i thought i caught a whiff of ferret, but he's never even been near this shirt.
and then, i've been reading game of thrones. EB's a huge fan of the series. my friend JB is, too, but EB's the one that recommended it so enthusiastically, inspired me to pick it up myself. this book is 674 pages long, and i am finally 151 pages into it, though i bought it over thanksgiving break. the story's picked up its pace and so my reading speed has gone along.

tonight i hung out with JB, and we watched the first episode of the show based off of game of thrones. it basically tells the story in the first book, and i was far enough along that the first episode covered only things i'd already read. she's watching it with her family, but was eager to rewatch it with me.
within the first few minutes, one of the nameless characters reminded me of EB, and i was sorry to see him die. viserys targaryen, too, reminds me of EB, though i think it's just the light hair. all the same, i have an unwarranted attachment to him, even though his character is pretty vile. and yet i just want to look at him all the time...
i never was particularly attracted to blondes until KW, and after him i was. now my taste is expanding further because of EB, and he doesn't even conform to my typical preference. bah, so frustrating.

i have to see EB soon, and now i'm slightly afraid of what it'll do to me. i have to be perfect, i have to be calm, i have to be just a friend. and lord knows that's not what i feel like.