winter still reminds me of him. in every chill i feel his hands in my pockets and his breath on my ear. when i can't feel my toes i still think of his arm around me, guiding me to warmth, how worth it it was to freeze. on every cold, clear night i see the moonlight and almost expect him to be there next to me, smiling at me and gazing at the light in my eyes. they didn't just reflect, he said, they emanated a light of their own from within.
it's no longer lingering love, just longing for the days i was happy. he changed winter forever for me.
it's only the first of december, and yet i know where the calendar is headed. three years ago, i still had barely spoken to him. three years ago, our first real fateful contact would occur in twenty eight days. technically twenty seven and a half.
it's three years later and i could still write you a timeline.
i wonder if winter reminds him of me at all. i doubt it does.
this past year, when memorable dates occurred i hardly noticed them at all... when they arrived. the days, weeks, even months leading up to them, i was acutely aware of the calendar. and i wasn't even in school. days didn't matter to me, and i still noticed.
even the re-opening holes in the pockets of my winter coat still remind me of when he made them worse.
and to think, in a few weeks i'll be going home, back to the place it all happened. on below-freezing nights, our bench in central park will surely be vacant.
when will winter just be cold and not bittersweet?
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