happy independence day, america.
i am having what could be the most social week of my life.
wednesday i hung out with EB and then met up with AD and her friend, and i slept over.
and then went to KK's for a harry potter movie marathon with that group, and that was a sleepover.
and then we went up to our friend AE's for his birthday (which is today) and THAT was a sleepover too.
and when i left that i hung out with EB and CP and now i'm home and will sleep in my bed for the first time since tuesday.
and tomorrow i'm hanging out with EB and then going to KK's roof to see fireworks with that group.
and tuesday that group'll be having dinner at DG's house and that'll be a sleepover...
and then i guess i'll have a little break but this weekend (friday night) our group will be going to KK's country house.
so, extremely social, but with all the same people for the most part.
we had a water fight at AE's party. finally. i wasn't as skinny as i should have been but i'd barely eaten in the few days leading up to it. but then i totally had at least 1500 calories at his house. like holy jesus. and damn near everyone else had two burgers, but i just had one, so i am at least proud of that. i ate less than almost everyone else, except perhaps MJ due to his dietary issues.
i'm probably back up just below 125. i meant to weigh before leaving for KK's friday evening, but took a shower and then couldn't weigh wet because of the extra weight from the water in my hair...
hanging out with that group of friends can be extremely depressing sometimes. they're all paired off. KK and DG, JB and UR, CP and VB, SF's got RV who's away, AE's got MF who doesn't live here, and TW's got a girlfriend from college. that leaves me and MJ as the only single people, and he may be male, but he's gay. (i know these initials mean nothing to you but i am doing this for the sake of convenience.)
i'm just surrounded by couples and it sucks.
friday marks one year that i've been single. one year since HF dumped me over the phone, and i ran (well, hopped in a cab) to brooklyn at midnight with flowers to try to change his mind. i obviously failed.
on friday i will have been single for an entire year. i can count on one hand the times i had sex between july 8th, 2010 and today.
i really really really hate being single. not enough to be desperate, but still, it makes me quite unhappy.
speaking of HF, i keep seeing him everywhere. i don't know when exactly he's coming back, but it's apparently driving me a little crazy. any guy with brown hair and a similar style makes me afraid i'll run into him.
also speaking of HF... i was looking at the facebook of this girl i went to middle school with. she mentioned that she played at some well-known venue, and i was trying to figure out why she played there, because i had no idea she was remotely musical.
but then i saw the last thing i expected. a post from HF's father on her wall. i mean, i guess stranger things have happened because he's a music guy, but still! it's a fucking small world after all. just like... what the fuck.
at the harry potter marathon i was texting EB and when people found out they got all nosy. one person asked if i liked EB and then everyone in the room said, one after another, "yeah, do you?"
it was way overwhelming. and just think, they're only going off of the interactions they've seen...
i don't. i definitely don't. ...that's not to say i never could, because i do really enjoy talking to him. like, we just saw each other tonight, but he just texted me to ask if i wanted to hang out tomorrow, and i feel good about that. i like spending time with him.
....but i'm not really attracted to him and he teases, which is too similar to HF right now, though of course he's not as bad.
CP keeps comparing the way EB interacts with me to the way he interacts with the last girl he liked, another one of her friends. i don't know what that means.
i really don't want to like him. that's far more complication than i need.
ah, fuck it. i'm going to do some kenken and go to sleep.
i really hope this year's july 4th makes up for the shittiness of the last two years'. two different years, two different collapsing relationships. paranoia, insecurity, disappointment, loneliness. that's july fourth for me. i really need a good one.
EDIT:
i've just weighed myself, despite having eaten the biggest bowl of cereal known to mankind just two and a half hours ago.
i'm about 122.1. fuck yes. i feel like a huge weight's been lifted off my shoulders, no pun intended.
122.1 is an 18.0 bmi.
i just don't understand how i'm underweight and still so fat.
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