HF and hp

i woke up to four abusive texts from HF wednesday morning, telling me he never loved me, calling me a whore, saying he'd be happy if i died. later that day i got another one that said "slut." he sent me a facebook IM telling me he hated me and wished he didn't.


i ignored all of it, surprisingly unfazed. i couldn't tell if i was being strong, numb, or simply refusing to process it.





harry potter and the deathly hallows part two is out. i saw it at midnight, of course, the epic potter nerd that i am.
now that one i know i still haven't processed. it's over, but i don't seem to know it yet.
it was really emotionally draining in a way; i nearly started bawling about four times.
JB, next to me, was legit sobbing when the credits began to roll, blubbering about how she couldn't believe it was all over.


nobody really dressed up in my group.... KK wore a knight bus shirt, MJ wore a tie with lightning bolts... but i wore ravenclaw colors, because that's my favorite house. i own virtually nothing bronze, so i had to settle for brown. a lovely blue dress, brown shoes, brown ribbon, bronze nail polish, and my time turner.
i love that dress. belted, the dress makes me look small in the waist. i think it's quite flattering, particularly from the side.



so the weirdness of the hp conclusion wasn't just the movie ending. i checked my phone when it was over and i had a text from HF. he apologized, out of nowhere, uncharacteristically maturely, saying he said things he didn't mean and requesting that we talk and perhaps attempt to build a real friendship, not the fucked up relationship we previously had. he even added that i didn't need to accept his apology or talk to him.
i told him that if we could manage a real talk, a real friendship, it would mean the world to me.

but that said, i don't know if i'm ready to forgive him for half the things he said. he really is abusive; he gets so cruel when he feels hurt. so, so cruel.


oh, the weirdness was increased by the fact that HF's nickname is harry. so i confused everyone by talking about two different significant 'harry' events at the same time.





oh, in case you're curious, i ended up hooking up with J after all, because i have no self control. it was only kissing, but still. i broke my rule, i went back on what i said i wouldn't do, once again.
but i have nothing more to say about that.




i'm gonna put the rest of what i have to say in a new entry, in case this gets too long.