crazy

it's 5:12 in the morning.
in the past twenty four hours, i have put only water and plain tea into my body.

i don't feel enough shrinking yet.
i was 123.3ish around 11:30. i'll weigh again when i'm finally ready to sleep.



i never do this, i never fast.
i just needed to tell someone.
i've gone 24 hours without eating before, but there was usually some sleep involved. and it didn't last much more than 24 hours.
but i haven't even gone to sleep yet. i'm going to sleep as long as i can, for numerous reasons.




i went to something like a party last night. it was more of a small social gathering with alcohol on a roof.
i went with SP. i didn't feel so bad around her for some reason.
there was a guy that seemed into me. he gave me a back rub. then he kissed a gay guy's neck. then he unhooked my bra in a hug, through my cardigan and dress.
it was quite odd, to say the least.


we're chatting on facebook now.
he's an intellectual-type guy. whenever i talk to people like this, i'm always waiting for the moment they realize i'm actually stupid.
somehow we've gotten into a discussion about how we're crazy. he explained himself thoroughly, and then it was my turn. i did my best to convey my insanity without giving things away. but i don't know why it would even matter, almost... i mean, i've already opened up to him more than most people.
then again, i've always found it much easier to open up to strangers.
but he's just responded with a virtual facepalm, and said i remind him of a girl he used to know.
but fuck it, it doesn't matter.



i don't really have anything else to say.
i'm exhausted.
i've been up for like 37 hours? i think. i closed my eyes for like an hour around 5 am yesterday, but i'm pretty sure i remained awake.
i don't want to sleep yet.