t minus four days

until i'm old! well not really.
i dunno, i'm just weirdly excited for my birthday even though it won't mean shit.
ain't no party for me.
i mean, there's gonna be a huuuuuuge party, but not my birthday party.

this is the only cake i will tolerate receiving. tiny cupcake. no more.

my sleep's been normal-er lately.
to prepare for the all night dance marathon, JB and i napped. except we ended up sleeping until like midnight and the dance marathon started at ten....

and then for some reason my tea made my stomach hurt and then i ate to see if that would help, but it made it worse.
i learned that i can resist buying pizza. i can resist buying almost any food.
it is much harder for me to resist eating it.
i hadn't had pizza in almost five months. i had two slices (they were small, granted) at the dance. and almost two donuts. and two air heads. and a dum dum.
and then two more donuts back at JB's dorm because at the end of the dance marathon (it ended up ending at a little after four) they said that all the un-eaten food was up for the taking. so JB took a box of krispy kremes..........
and i'd been craving donuts for like two weeks straight, so fuck, i was helpless against their tasty, sticky glaze.....

i shared skins (uk version of course) with JB and during the cassie episode cassie talks about how she fools people, and i feel like it set off some sort of alarm with JB. so i tried to be normal.

during the days, i was good, i was strong. but at night i gave it all up and just... stuffed my face.
so i'm not weighing for a few days. i can't bear to look at that scale. i can't even bear to look at myself.




i got a birthday present early from my godmother, and it's a crocheting starter kit. i'd actually been considering picking up knitting, so that'll do.
i learned a stitch and a half before i left, and then all weekend i was having crazy crocheting urges. it was like a drug i wanted more of.


so i'm about to learn the rest of the stitches on the dvd.
or maybe nap, even though i've only been up for like an hour and fifteen minutes.







HF is in the city.
grumble grumble grumble
what a dick.