tea training

the lowest i got after that day of little eating was 121.8.
then i resumed stuffing my face. i'm up to 123.4. i'm trying to have a sub-700 cal day. 800 if i go to the gym like i'm tempted to.
i also realized how hard it is to find something in this house to eat that's less than 100 fucking calories. god damn it.


i'm trying to force myself to like tea.
my sleep is often inadequate, unless i have nothing to do.
but when i start college, i'm never going to have nothing to do. AND I'M SO EXCITED FOR THAT.
i can't wait to have things to do and people to see and a real fitness center with things besides treadmills and bikes and... dare i say it... homework. my brain muscle's definitely losing tone.

so as i was saying... i'm going to need some help from caffeine to get through my days.
i tried to force myself to like coffee... but i have to put so much milk and sugar and flavors in it to make it taste good (i would often say that coffee tastes like melted chalk - though i don't know how i got there) so it's just not worth it.
but i was at the store yesterday getting ingredients for my mom to make cookies (grrrrrr) and i found a box of vanilla caramel tea. zero calories, and it's even got some potassium!
as far as tea goes, it's pretty good.
there's that basic "tea" taste that i still don't like though.
but in '09 when i went on a summer trip to europe, all our program ever gave us to drink was water and coke, and prior to that trip i didn't like coke, but since i had to drink it so much it grew on me. i'm trying the same thing with tea.

i'm totally craving some right now but i'm waiting until noon. gotta keep my calorie intake low today to get back down to where i was, and since i put a little skim milk in my tea, it counts as food.
i'm also counting my gummy vitamins as their own damn meal. so there.
i can't have any more 1200 days.
-sighs-
i've said that before, haven't i?



urgh, i need something to do with my days.
i'll call my photography course place and tell them to send unit 2 so i can continue.

i think i will go to the gym, just to give myself something to do today.


i know i'm having a low-cal day but someone really has to stop me from spending all of those calories on those god damn cookies.

these are just sitting on my counter. WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO?!