getting lost

nail polish is so fucking annoying. it looks all pretty and neat and smooth for all of 20 minutes, until you move. whatta failure. also my left hand is kinda good for nothing, so that never goes well, and then i spend like 10 minutes picking the nail polish off of my cuticles with a safety pin.
fuck being a girl, yo.
...i'm just kidding, i like nail polish and stuff ....
but really, why is it so difficult?


ANYWHO.
125.8. i knew it couldn't last. in fairness, though, i chugged a fair amount of water shortly before weighing myself, so that's not all true weight.
i was doing SO damn well this morning, then my mom made mac 'n' cheese for dinner. my cereal, shumai, and luna bar day was destroyed in that cheesy (but whole grain!) instant.
i'll start over tomorrow, i suppose.
(2:30 AM EDIT: 124.8. musta had an awful lot of water indeed...)



i'm thinking about embarking on the SGD. as weird as it may sound, i'm not comfortable going so low calorie-wise because i don't want to drag my metabolism to a screeching halt... so maybe i'll up each calorie limit by 100? and on the fast day i could give myself a 50 calorie limit - that way i can have my vitamins, and maybe a werther's original if i really need something.
i'm just spitballing here, i have no real plans.
but the SGD's looking enticing. it'd get me to move my fat ass to exercise (but i did walk a shitload today, i did). but i'm not comfortable not counting calories from fruits and veggies so MAYBE if i have 100 cal worth extra of those it'll be okay?
gah, nothing needs to be decided now.
i couldn't get away with the diet in my current situation. i need more privacy.




in better news,
I FINALLY SUCCEEDED AT SOMETHING.
i didn't end up getting back to sleep last night so i got up and got dressed and got up to fort tryon park. wandered. took pictures. it was reaaaaaaaaally windy.
i got cold and got on a bus.
ended up talking to a romanian photographer who then asked to go get coffee. so hell, i did. not that i drank coffee though. i had my water.
we're meeting again tomorrow. not sure how i feel about that. i'm not interested in him, but idk what to do, say "no, i think i'll be okay if i never see you again".....?
i mean, he's perfectly nice, just.. i don't know what he wants, you know? he's also 24. almost 25. so.... that's unusual. i'm really bad at befriending people older than me generally. and this is quite a difference.



fort tryon park looks much different with no leaves. also, with no medieval tents. it oddly looks a lot smaller without everything i'm used to seeing there.
i'm eager to go back when things begin blooming. that'll be lovely. and it'll be warmer so my poor sensitive fingertips won't go numb fiddling with dials and buttons and whatnot.

look at this, there's a castle (well, another one) in manhattan!

this looks better larger.

 

and meanwhile, if you look in the other direction, you see this.

i really didn't get anything all that good. it's much more incredible in bloom. or possibly in winter. when i went, everything was just... rather bare.
some of my favorites aren't all that interesting.

the photographer guy i was talking to, he's really quite good. he has a better eye than i do. but then again, he has 6 more years of experience. i felt very amateur though. then again, i do suppose that's what i am.


-sighs-
now that that's done and i know i have to wait until the weather catches up to the calendar, i really don't know what to do with my time...
at least when i wasn't going up to fort tryon park, i knew that was something i had to do. but what now?
tudor, the romanian guy, told me some filmmaker's motto:

"you can't get lost if you don't know where you're going."

on some level, yes. on another level, bullshit. sometimes you get lost, and with nowhere to go, you can't manage to get yourself found.