hypothyroidism

i just got a note in the mail from my doctor.
they did a blood test when i saw them two weeks ago.
apparently the blood work showed a borderline underactive thyroid.
i have to repeat the test in a month or two.


i'm not exactly anatomy-educated as well as i should be, so i looked up what the fuck the thyroid does...

it kind of controls metabolism.

so, fuck my life. hard. sideways. all over the place.

all my hard work is not good enough.

i have my daily intake of almost 1000 calories because i don't want to go too low to slow my metabolism.
BUT HEY, MY BODY'S DOING THAT FOR ME ANYWAY.


i know it only says borderline.
but i'm actually legitimately crying right now.
a symptom of hypothyroidism is weight gain.
i can't fucking gain weight, i can't i can't i can't can't can't. it's not fucking fair.

it's bullshit though, i don't even have any of the symptoms except tiredness and low mood, but i've been depressed for 6 years, so that's irrelevant.

but i'm still really freaking the fuck out.

i can't gain weight. i can't.